Grandpa Lake’s Weblog

The usual thought that comes to mind when the phrase “living in sin” is used is that of a couple living together without being married.  For most people who subscribe to the idea, being legally married is enough to avoid this judgment call, although is some churches, being married in and/or with the blessing of that church is necessary.  I’d like to propose that a Christian can be married legally and in the church and still be living in sin.

First, let us define “sin”.  In this context, sin is to fall short of God’s expectations of us.  We have all done this.  Hence, we are all sinners.  To be “living in sin”, therefore, is to continue, over a period of time that includes the present, in a manner of life that God does not want us to live in.  This condition is not a “slip up”, but rather a decision to live a certain way.

I had a “spat” with my wife and shared the fact with my brother.  He gave me counsel as to how to resolve it.  The counsel itself is unimportant.  After a short time, he wrote and asked whether I had taken his advice.  We’ll pick up the correspondance from there.

“I did, and we are at peace with one another.  I don’t know how long our sweetheart status will last, though, because” the basic problem is still not solved.  I continued, “By the way, can you explain your counsel to me in terms of anything that is written in Scripture about husband-wife relationships?

He replied, “I may have to think about that, but I do base my humble opinion on 32 years of marriage to the same wonderful (sometimes) woman!”

To help him think, I said that my wife and I “are back to being real sweethearts in the same way that you and your wife are (and under the same conditions), but in the eternal scheme of things, the issue isn’t between me and my wife (or, in my case, wives), but between the church and Jesus Christ, for the Scriptures state that marriage is a model of that relationship.  God has a particular vision of the marriage relationship, because He created it, just as surely as He created the participants in it, fashioning them for each other.  That is, if the Bible is the Word of God and shows us His ways.

“Think of the things that you do in regard to your relationship to your wife.  Are those things what Christ does (or should do) in His dealings with the church?  Keep in mind that I know nothing about the details of how your wife treats you, what she does or what she says.  But the question is not “Do those things make for a good marriage?”, but “Are those things reflective of how the church is to regard, respond to and talk to Jesus?”  Another 50 years and neither of our marriages will be intact, but our relationship to Christ will be. Will we expect Christ to treat us the way we treat our wives and expect that we should be able to relate to Him the way our wives relate to us?  Are our marriages conditioning us for a relationship that He will accept, approve of and be active in?  Do you really expect or want Jesus to treat you the way you treat your wife?  Is He wrong if He doesn’t accept our treating Him as our wives treat us?

“I greatly suspect that the condition of the church today does reflect our (the church’s) attitudes toward marriage.  How does this line up with church as it’s presented in the Scripture?

“Do you think that the Lord cares?” was my concluding question.

My brother thought that this latter question may have been a trick one, as he correctly reasoned that, if the Lord didn’t care about how we conduct our marriages He wouldn’t have said so much about it.

Here is my reply:

It was not a trick question at all.  We would all do well to compare the way we live and the choices we make with regard to the Scriptural norm.  To bring our lives, with the Lord’s help, into conformity with God’s Word is called “spiritual growth”.  To be content with what works is to miss the mark of what God has for us.  To “miss the mark” is the Scriptural definition of “sin”.  Is it OK to continue in sin because it “works”?  Is it OK to continue in sin because it makes for a good relationship?  If so, what’s wrong with homosexual “marriage”?

Another question — and this time, I’ll give you the answer.  Ephesians 5:24,25 “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”  The word “subject” is used instead of “submit”.  Why?

To answer this, one needs to understand the difference.  When I submit myself to someone, I voluntarily do what that person wants, regardless of the reason.  You cannot “submit” another person to yourself.  Even our language forbids such usage.  You can subject another person to yourself if you have enough authority or power.  Kings have subjects.  We are subject to the law.  We submit ourselves to the law because we are subject to it — we fear punishment.

Notice in this scripture that “the church is subject to Christ”.  It is not voluntary.  He has the authority to make us subject to Him.  The only question is whether we will submit voluntarily or whether we will be subjected by force.  You object.  Christ doesn’t force us to do anything.  He doesn’t — yet.  There is a judgment for believers and many will be surprised.  We love to sing the old song “Count your blessings.  Name them one by one.  And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”  There is another version:  “Count your obligations.  Name them one by one.  And it will surprise you what the Lord wants done.”  Would you be willing to sing this version from your heart?

From the standpoint of Christian women, because they are part of the church, they have the same attitude toward their husbands as they have toward Christ.  Show me a woman who does not recognize the authority of her husband and submit to him and I’ll show you a woman who does not recognize the authority of Christ, who does not submit to Him.  In fact, it is her submission to Christ that provides the motivation for her submission to her husband.  The Lord knows that most of us men are not wise enough nor loving enough to inspire our wives submission to ourselves.  If she is going to do it at all, it must be as unto the Lord.

From the standpoint of Christian men, we are looking in two directions.  Because we are part of the church, we are to submit to our Lord because we recognize our place as His subjects and know that He will judge our lives at some point in the future, even though it may not be obvious if He is doing it now.  On the other hand, we are to be the servant leaders of our wives, to be toward them as Christ is to the church.  The operative word here, is “love”.  We are not to attempt to make our wives subject to us because most of us cannot do such a thing in a loving way.  If she should choose to be subject to us as unto the Lord, the best we can do is to make such action as easy for her as possible.  I would posit that a Christian woman whose husband loves her unconditionally, faithfully and who is himself subject to his Lord is more likely to submit herself to him.  But, that’s not a given.

Our human tendency is to trust only ourselves.  This goes for both genders.  We want those around us to conform their behavior to our convictions and preferences.  To get past this is one of the biggest challenges of our mortal lives.  No married woman can claim to be subject to God’s will if she is not subject to her husband’s.  No married man can claim to be subject to God’s will if he tries to dominate or force his will upon his wife.  Many men have their primary interests outside their homes and use their wives to support those outside interests.  That is not how Christ loves the church.  We’d like to think that the Lord has more interest in His church than in the billions of galaxies that are “out there”.  Can we claim to love our wives if we are not interested in her welfare — physical, emotional and spiritual?  If your wife is relating to you in a way that is inappropriate for her to relate to Jesus Christ, is it loving for you to say nothing about it?

I remember a statement my first wife made.  She said that if I was the kind of husband that she thought that I should have been, she could have been subject to me, but because I didn’t meet her standard of a “good” husband, she was relieved of her obligation.  Many of us Christians justify our ordering our own lives apart from Jesus Christ because He doesn’t do things the way we think that they should be done.  (What will that get us on Judgment Day?)  My first wife used the word “could”, as though my behavior prevented her from being obedient to Christ by being submissive to me.  One of the heaviest burdens that Scripture lays upon women is to have to be subject to men who are not living lives that are subjected to Christ.  It goes back to the Garden of Eden, where in Genesis 3:16 we read, “…Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”  This isn’t a command that may be obeyed or not, such as a speed limit.  It is more like the law of gravity.  We may choose to break that law, but who is most likely to be hurt by doing so?  We men are usually taller, stronger and potentially more aggressive and dominant.  It is usually easier for men to intimidate women than for women to intimidate men.  My experience with rebellious wives has been that if I kept my aggression and dominant tendencies in check, the women were able and willing to become aggressive and domineering.

The bottom line is that the whole issue is not about our relationship with each other.  It’s about our relationship with Christ.

Will the ushers please come forward as the choir sings, “Have Thine own way, Lord”?